phallucide

Im a little dizzy at the moment.
I fell asleep for about an hour or so? not quite sure, right before Ian came over to hangout.

I had a dream that somewhat told me things but I dont know why it told me them or why I had to dream these things.

everything was moderately nerve shattering during the whole of it.
the only odd thing about it---everyone else was tiny. but I dont know if I was tiny because I was viewing the dream in 1st person and everyone seemed to be at about eye level? but they seemed tiny. as in, poor special effects tiny.

information was told to me via an argument I was having with someone while a few people looked on. one of them my friend, two of them friends of my girlfriend.

the person I was arguing with was telling me I was being pathetic, pointless, and that I had no justification for even starting an argument that had something to do with making no point and being jealous of something? I cant remember. it was unclear.

what did end up happening though, is that I was told things that I probably already knew, in the dream. and it made me feel upset. in the dream. then after I woke up, I was still upset, but I dont know why, because the information didnt bother me at all. even if it was true. and I still cant shake the feeling....

these dreams have got to stop. the other day I woke up at the girlfriends and was really really upset with her after a dream Id had. but it was just a fucking dream! likewise goes for my parents when Ive had dreams where I was afraid they were in trouble and woke up trying to call them and couldnt get a hold of them because they were out or at work.

lately though, Ive been having more of these and they literally suck. I had a dream the other night I had killed some friends of mine for really no reason, and then it was creeping into my waking moments and I started thinking about if I should turn myself in or not? no joke.

theyre just so fucking lucid. and I normally dont dream like this. well, at least not every fucking time I go to sleep. and I dont know what to do because Im afraid that it will cause me to react ridiculously at some point.

I am now no longer making public entires.
Not that I was really doing it much before....

So if you want to read about it when I whine, add and Ill (maybe) add you back.

Also, most of what I do on here is just archival in a sense that I dont share the majority of entires with friends and actually Ill forget to mark them private at times.

That is all.

To double post....

Ive found myself missing my "closer" friends recently.

Oddly enough, this has nothing to do with the amount of alcohol Ive been consuming lately.

The people that know the most about me and whom I consider to be my deepest friends are the ones I rarely speak with. I dont really need to. I know theyll be there in another year. Hell, theyve already been there for several.

Seems that none of them really live 'round these parts.

But this is getting to me enough that perhaps Ill purchase some calling cards to make the jingle to them.

To those people, they know who they are....and they know theyre always missed. But this week? more than others so far.

classes have been going well.
im practically done with what was supposed to be a 2-week long interactive assignment.
my readings for the next two weeks are done....
in sort....all of the homework for next week is completed.

i no longer have any hair either.
it s all gone.

well....sort of. about 99.7% or so of it is.

i decided to shave off the patch on top.

why? an assignment to do something id never done before.
Creepy and M477 convinced me to shave "1337" in it. we did.
as soon as i present on monday though, im shaving that off. it was rather well cut though. the numbers are clear and aligned down the center mohawkesque. nift.

i was supposed to meet up with a girlie from some of my classes on last friday.
once again, i just never showed, or left the house at all for that matter.
im not sure why either....i think i would have had an alright time of it.

im also sick. my immune system at least held out longer than i thought it would this winter.
normally ive a cold with some bronchial-deal by the beginning of decemeber.

it really isnt all that bad. ive been in a very pleasant mood. i think it s the time away from everyone else. ive only been out once and that was with LEM-STAR to the CC.

prior to that outting....ive been staying at home. doing work and reading mostly.
fitting in SC from time to time. :D

i was planning on doing work in DMX with my project but i dont think my body can stand to be sitting upright much longer. the aches started to kick in during the end of Piotr s class today at around 5:45ish and have only grown worse.

the worse thing when you feel sick....is not feeling mentally shit about it all. i want to work on shit....but instead im going to have to lay down for awhile with vicks spread under the nose. :(

Feb. 2nd is the Abelcain, Heccate, Xanopticon, Slutmachine, DJ Shift show @ the Triple Rock. work schedules need not apply. ill be there- ill take the night off. :)

My car is back!
My car is fixed!

....I havent driven in 5months!

I CAN DRIVE AGAIN!

:D :D :D :D :D :D

I am pissed.

REALLY REALLY PISSED.

After having an overly-eventful (during what is usually a quiet-afternoon shift) at work....(robberies, a scam artist, bloody flesh-lumps in sink, old co-workers being eatten at by cats) I had a really pleasant time with the Synth3t1k one eatting some Japanese foodstuffs, bookstore browsing, and then Cafetto-ing briefly.

Then I grab a seat in one of the colder, forgotten labs of G4s.

In fact, what happened was, I decided to explore parts of the building I never go to.

I didnt know this lab existed.

That s when I receive the notice: "You Have Been Selected For Beta Testing....." and my heart sunk.

Yes that s right. I applied what seemed like ages ago when I still had a computer to Beta for WoW.
And they sent me my damned key. A few weeks ago in fact. I simply hadnt read the email.

Not that it does me any fucking good because I dont have a PC built to use it on.

At least I will in a month. One fucking month.
Maybe less than a fucking month.

I want to play WoW so badly...... :(

Finally began to recode for the YLR site.

Ombc2(k4) and I have a meeting on Monday.

Ive discovered I can no longer get any decent sounds made in the lab at school.
So Im flat not trying anymore.

Received a phone number and invitation to hangout soon with attached drama yesterday evening.
Wont call it unless I want Dancing Erik to hate me though he wouldnt really have the right.

Talked to some 15yr old wearing cat ears on her head tonight at work.

Discovered Electro-Tank is back in session (new and improved....they say) and 18+ so I was told.
Something called Pandora s Box starts now too out in Anoka. Though Ill never be able to see how crappy it is with the goth wanks flailing. Ive been working ever since I got home.
Running errands whenever I havent worked. And not sleeping in between.

"Girl-I-should-have-never-shown-any-sort-of-friend-face-accompanied-with-slight-interest-towards" has been badgering me still. Called me fucking 9times WHILE I was gone in the IL. And twice tonight while I was working even though she knew I was working-left 2 messages asking what I was doing and if I wanted to hang out right after I told her earlier I just wanted to go home and sleep.

I cant keep getting 90phonecalls a day from her. It s fucking creepy.

I want to make music....I cant.
I want to sleep and cant.

If I didnt have a record label....Id have shit right about now.

The frustration over this track is starting to get to me.

Im down to the point where Im either going to finish this track for the compilation or throw the other one that only needs to be remastered on it.

The idea hits me in the skull however, that even though I REALLY love the 'finished' track I love it enough where I want to name an entire demo off it....in which case I dont want to have that same track on this compilation.

Oddly enough, the current bit Im working at has potential and may sound glorius after I mess with levels in Digi Performer. (Meaning I can use the Armed Formation explosions as my snare bits and then finish my bassline for it.) Synthetik might help me there. :) He always seems to give decent advice when it comes to such matters.

The whole thing has started giving me a headache. I know the biggest problem with creating anything at the moment lies in my surroundings. I used to churn out the beats when I was in my room on the computer at home with the monitors and my wee-mixer. Now, sitting in a lab doesnt make for the right vibe. :\

What pisses me off even more is that I realised recently what drum machine I chucked away for $250 3 years ago. I didnt know what I was doing. I only reasonably knew software. The irony here is that same drum machine is where Im getting alot of my sample sources. ....this same drum machine also goes for $700ish on eBay.

Hung out with Anna tonight. That was fun. Probably the most fun Ive had in awhile that didnt involved making beats. I must remember to thank her again for not leaving when I showed up 40minutes late to meeting her following my sleeping throw two alarms. (Three if you count the one on the cell.)

I didnt work much this week. I was alright with it- but not when Ill be taking off 9days this pay period. Im going to end up with a lousy $200 or less in my check and scrounge for awhile after I was doing alright cash wise. (Like now! I feel like a rich mutha-fukka :D)

Decided Im going to cheat the school-loan system again this semester and grab enough extra in my refund for "supplies" ;).

I know it will all kick me in the ass eventually. :D

If anyone wants to hear the ditty Im working on for the compilation- let me know. I need suggestions.

Ive got plenty of game samples now but I need more.

Now starting my second week of sampling various arcade games using Audio Hijack Pro and MacMAME.

The oddest part of it all is, Im getting excellent percussive noises from it all.

The biggest problem at this point is figuring out that at some point Ill have to sample shit at Synthetiks place being that I unfortunately cant run two of the games I want and AH at the same time on the damn eMAC(the only one I have admin access to). I cant use the G5 being that I cant install AH to it s BOOT. I hate asking Synthetik if I can use his comp. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. I know how crappy Id get with people when they would touch my comp. :(

The week I go to my parents place I was told to: "bring what money you can....and you and Jeremiah can go to Computer Renaissance for parts. We have extra cash."

Where the fuck are they getting "extra cash" ?

The same thing happened when my dad came to visit. He was spending $100s like they were nothing at all.

->It makes me feel off because they dont have any money now.

->It makes me feel off because they never spend $100s on me like it was nothing when they had $100s to spend on me like it was nothing.

->It makes me feel off because my dad has the first part of his trial the week I go home.

My mother told me that my dad took my mixer to be "fixed" the other day. Im not sure why. I guess she thinks Im taking it back with me. I suppose I can. Not like I have anything I need it for at the moment other than to take up space.

Some jackass had an MPC2000 on eBay on Buy it Now for $370. There must be a catch.

If the auction is still open today perhaps Ill be buying myself a little present. :)

SES is done. TAing done for the summer. Im not doing the second session.
Theyll all cry about it Im sure. Frenchy said they dont need as many TAs because not as many kids signed up (12 as opposed to 52). Hmm.

I hope a kid at least shows up for her. :P

The instances of last night can remain untouched on.
I dressed up as: "an angry vegetable monster".

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I organised 6 CDRs of samples, kits, and loops as well as 1 disc of my source files to Synthetik s comp for later use.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I grew angry, was the butt of joking and this time not joining in. I drew with crayon on the damn table-paper at Ts and missed the thrown punch. Looked up and followed the punchee and left the puncher.

At least later on the cops didnt come.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Artists for comp: 11.
Final tracks received: 5.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

And yea....Im pretty dead at the moment. I do get pissed, pissed that Im part of where I live. Pissed at everyone I see walking....existing. Consuming. Im just another piece of it. Most of all, I get pissed at myself for being a hypocrite that is pissed.

Wednesday comes along and Ill be in the same shit again.

Tired, cranky, and training some new d00d @ the PCup.

This is the 2nd cleaning kid Ive had to train since last Friday(my other cleaning shift).

The last guy told me flat out he thought it was pointless. Of course he was right- but the difference is he needed the job- no matter how pointless it was. I guess hes been living off my coworkers couch for 6months now and hasnt budged. Hm.

I received a drunken?high?crying? msg on my cell yesterday. I know who it was from but it took me a minute. I have to dissect the layers and see what the fuck I can make of it.

I can pick out pieces- but nothing Ive enjoyed hearing.

I keep replaying Saturday in my head. Ive begun to blame myself for it all. Of course when I question aloud I get agreement from Sam- with slight rebuttle. "If we had found him- he probably would have already been socked. Either way- we looked for him for well-over 30minutes d00d. He pulls that all the time...." Whether or not I agree, I still have that guilt bubble in my fucking gut. Some fucking friend I turned out to be.

Talked to OMBCII about "You Lose" and exchanged information. So far we have a fistful of emails and nothing to show for it. I have hope. Ill have more time to dick around with my tunes once the summer starts. I cant honestly say we ll have a comp out by then- but Im willing to fuck shit up trying.

On a lighter bit- one of the guys who posts on the msg board Im a part of went to Toronto as well. He linked me to the pics his girlfriend took at the shows. Sure enough- Lemmy and I are in alot of them- mostly crowd pictures but also grooving during several shows.lol!

Not only that but this kid makes music- and Ive heard of him. He just opened for Larvae and Needlesharing! Shit! Getting him to transfer me some mp3nis of his to have a listen. He said he was interested in throwing down on a new labels compilation! KEEN!

* * * * * * * * *

Thus far Ive also gotten more comments about my hair than any other time Ive ever cut/colored it. It s odd really. No one ever mentioned it before- I guess it has been a long time since it s been this short.

Hm.

That said-
Homefuknwork.

12:50pm- Jeremy gets in car accident.
2:12pm- Jeremy takes note of the neck/head pain from head banging off steering wheel.

Re-entering the LJ shit.
The exact same shit that goes down on the Blurty site.
Fucking blog-journals.

Did vocal recording.

Went on an exceedingly long car-ride.

Discussion when it looks decent enough.

Ive gone sappier.

Ate noodles.

I want to sleep.

I dont want to sleep at all.